Sliding Doors and Blue Butterflies

Hi, there, friends. I apologize for not "writing". We have had a couple of crazy months and time just passed too quickly. My little family has quite a full plate these days. Not only are we expecting Conley's brother in July, but we are planning a wedding for April and for a while, we were thinking of moving. (We have decided to stay in NYC.) This is what happens when you ask the Universe for a full life...You get one! With that being said, I wanted to share with you some more ways that the Universe communicates with me.

 First, do you remember the Gwyneth Paltrow movie, "Sliding Doors?" I loved this movie. I loved it because it reinforced my belief that I will always be where I need to be when I need to be there. SPOILER: The movie shows two paths of Gwyneth's life (one if had she caught the train and one if she had missed it) ultimately revealing that she would have ended up in the same place and in love with the same man. This is so beautiful to me. It doesn't matter if you turn left or right, you will eventually end up right where you belong. You just need to believe in the outcome, the love or the dream. You will get there. It's time to trust.

My own "Sliding Doors" moments came within 2 years of each other. I was living in Los Angeles, waiting tables, pursuing my dream of acting. I had convinced myself that I would not have been brave enough to move to LA if I had not tested my courage first by transferring to a different college my junior year. I had attended Marquette University for 2 years and decided to leave after my sophomore year due to what I viewed as "more opportunities" and a chance to nurse a broken heart. I was sure that had I stayed at Marquette, I would have ended up a house wife in the suburbs. (funny...now, I'm a house wife in the city and I couldn't be happier. But at that time, I was hoping to become well, Gwyneth Paltrow) I don't know why I thought that -- maybe the Milwaukee energy or the Jesuit education...LA felt too risky. I transferred to the University of Kansas where one of my mentors encouraged students to pursue their dreams, although he tossed up several red flags of "it ain't easy." Pursuing acting in LA was still a crazy notion, but I felt like I had more support coming from KU. A lot of my friends from the KU theatre department had already made their way to the west coast and just KNEW that Marquette actors were more grounded and would never put themselves in the jaws of the sharks of LA. How wrong I was!

On a random day during the lunch shift at the restaurant I was working, I saw two very familiar faces walk into the dining room. My jaw dropped. Two actors that I had adored from Marquette were there to have lunch. When I approached them, we all laughed and hugged. I asked,"how long are you in town?" assuming that they were on vacation. "Oh, we've lived here for about 2 years." I came to find out that a handful of Marquette actors were in LA. We made plans to meet and catch up. And after my shift, as I made my way to meet them, I couldn't help but thinking...It wouldn't have mattered...If I transferred schools or would have stayed, I would have ended up in Los Angeles. I needed to have the experiences (ie. MEETING DANIEL!) at KU before I came to LA, but I would have ended up in LA if I had finished my college years at Marquette. For whatever reason, seeing those two guys convinced me that, no matter what path I would have taken, I would have ended up waiting tables in Los Angeles on that day.

Another Gwyneth moment came at a coffee shop on Sunset Boulevard. I bumped into a woman who had beat me out for a contract role on a soap opera. She was from my same hometown (or thereabouts) and we had connected a couple of times before the auditions through mutual friends. I enjoyed the audition process for this role so much largely due to seeing her, time and time again. (I think we were called back 6 times when all was said and done.) But the bitch beat me! JK. She won, fair and square. She was on the show for 2 years and did a lovely job. When I saw her at this coffee shop, she was a bit blue, however.  Her role had ended and she felt a little lost. Her ideas of the business were jumbled and she wanted to spend time in our hometown to regroup. I had been on the phone with a friend of mine prior to this conversation saying the exact same thing. I needed to recharge and get inspired. As this soap star walked away from me, I felt a wave of tranquility wash over me. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. If it had been me instead of she who got the part, I would still have been standing in that coffee shop, having that same conversation about recharging my batteries with her. The Universe had a plan and in that moment, I felt completely on course.

WHERE ARE YOUR SLIDING DOORS? ARE THERE MOMENTS WHERE IT DIDN'T MATTER IF YOU WENT LEFT OR RIGHT, YOU STILL ENDED UP IN THE SAME PLACE??

This is the Universe just letting you know that you are carefully looked after. If you go one way, but maybe should have gone the other, you will eventually end up where you need to be.

I also think of Roy Williams, the coach of the University of North Carolina men's basketball team. His Sliding Door happened when he coached at the University of Kansas. UNC had asked him to become coach of their team while he was experiencing a copious amount of success at Kansas. Roy grew up and had family in North Carolina. He had been an assistant to Dean Smith there. He had a lot he could have gone home to, but he didn't. He chose to stay at Kansas. 3 years later, the exact same offer was made to him. He was SUPPOSED TO GO. You don't get an offer like that twice in a lifetime. The Universe said, "Here it is again. You went one way the last time. Try the other direction and see where it takes you." He said yes. He won his FIRST National Championship the first year he was at UNC.

I truly believe that there are no wrong choices. Only ones that might detain us from our dreams/loves a little while.

Now, BLUE BUTTERFLIES is a communication game I play with the Universe. Some days, I just need a little wink from the powers that be to let me know they can hear me. In the morning as I am doing a gratitude list of all that I am grateful for, I acknowledge the love and support I receive from the Universe. I also ask for a little sign that I'm on track. This sign is small and always very specific. I have never been disappointed. Let me give you an example.

I was working as a casting associate on a show and had a decently long drive to our location. In the car, I'd always say my prayers and do my gratitude lists. I was feeling a little strange, nothing tragic, just not on point with the direction I was going in my life. I was contemplating moving, starting another career...you know these times. Your head is pretty messy and full. I needed to know that I was ok. That the Universe was always listening and had my back. I asked if I could see something, a small sign that I was headed in the right direction. I wanted to see a BLUE butterfly. It was December, but I figured, what the heck. I don't know where this idea of a blue butterfly came to mind, but I wanted to see one. I get out of my car and head to the local coffee shop. The store was decorating for the holidays. I step up to the counter to make my order and get a glimpse of something in the mirror behind the cashier. Behind me, someone was decorating a tree and on this tree was, get this, BLUE butterflies. Every last branch had a blue butterfly. I could barely count the money I needed to give the cashier. The Universe had heard me.

One of my favorite "conversations" happened when I was in the process of another callback for General Hospital. I woke up in a spectacular mood, as you do as an actress when you are up for a role. I was in the final callbacks and felt prepared so I asked the Universe if I could see a star from the show that day for validation. I went about my day, taking a beautiful drive up the coast. It was about 9am when I got a call while driving. My boss from the restaurant I worked at called only to tell me that one of my favorite football players, Tony Gonzales, was sitting at a cafe in Santa Monica. He told me that he just thought he would let me know in case I was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by. Well, I was nowhere near the neighborhood, but I decided to head that direction. I got to the cafe in 25 minutes or so, but couldn't find a parking space. I knew my favorite tight end had probably already left by the time I was able to walk into the restaurant. I was right. Tony was nowhere to be in sight, but sitting at the counter was a STAR from General Hospital. The Universe had led me right to him. I sat up to the counter and ordered some scrambled eggs and toast and giggled to myself as I ate every delicious bite.

TRY THIS!!! IT'S SO FUN. Be very specific so that when you see or experience it, you will absolutely know. I encourage you to NOT say things like, "I would like to win the lottery today" because you already think that is UNBELIEVABLE. You walk with the energy of doubt. Try something small and surprising. The Universe is listening. And remember, if the Universe takes care of a little thing like putting a blue butterfly in your path, just think what it is doing with your love life??? The Universe will lead you right to him/her. It might not be on your time schedule, but it will INDEED HAPPEN...

And as a side note, because my life has been so full and I haven't been feeling the need for that extra validation from the Universe, I haven't played this game in a while. A few weeks ago, I decided to play. I asked the Universe for a "gift from a stranger." In the morning, I took Conley for a stroll and got breakfast for Daniel to bring home. I stopped by his favorite coffee shop to get him a cup of Jo. I handed the cashier a 20. She apologized because she didn't have enough change. She handed me back the 20 and said that the coffee was on her. I took my coffee, my 20, and bent down to kiss Conley. Boy, the Universe really listens to me.

WAY.